TRUST AND SEX

Are you in a relationship in which you are not having the sex life that you long for? Are you the person in the relationship who just doesn’t feel like having sex but have a hard time articulating the reasons why? Is your partner often initiating asking why you don’t want to have sex? Could it be that there have been, over the duration of your relationship, breaks in trust? Not anything as large as infidelity or financial betrayal but more your partner fails to do what they say they are going to do, you can’t count on them or rely on them, they don’t back you up in public when you are feeling picked on, perhaps, they side against you with your in-laws. Over the course of your relationship more and more times they have disappointed you and you felt let down.

Issues of trust outside of big betrayals of trust, such as infidelity, often undermine one person’s desire for the other person. When we are in a long-term relationship the desire or ability of a partner is much broader then just how somebody looks but more about how that person makes us feel. If in a relationship one person is continually breaking trust, meaning they never do what they say they are going to do, they don’t follow on, they are offering intentions but their actions don’t match, they are not reliable, all of these issues make that person undesirable. They make them unsafe and not trustworthy. Not feeling safe or trusting in your partner is definitely going to undermine sex.

Fortunately, there are ways to address this issue through therapy. Couples who are dealing often with issues of trust often don’t realize it. These are often around boundaries, effective communication, good self-awareness of what you can and cannot do and being willing to communicate that and establish that.

Therapy helps couples to recognize how they may be have hurting their partner, disappointing their partner or breaking trust. Therapy helps people to learn how to take responsibility for what they say and what they do and to make repairs.

If you would like more how therapy can help you, contact us at +65 9030 7239. All in the Family Counselling and lead therapist, Tammy Fontana, have been helping individuals in Singapore and Southeast Asia for over two decades. If you would like to learn how we can help you on issues around communication, sex and intimacy, infidelity, anger management, anxiety, depression and any other relationship or individual issues, contact us now.

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