LOW SEX DRIVE AFTER MARRIAGE

LOW SEX DRIVE AFTER MARRIAGE

Are one or both of you struggling with the low sex drive in your marriage? Are you finding that your partner has low sex drive and this is very frustrating for you and you don’t know how to fix it? Has the lack of sex been something that you miss and don’t know how to talk to your partner about it?

Many couples are faced, at some point in their relationship in which one person expresses that they don’t want sex or maybe they even label themselves as low sex drive or you feel that they have low sex drive and it doesn’t make any sense to you. It may have been a point in your relationship where you guys had an active sex life and it was very good and positive and then after you got married or after you had children, the sex life decreased.

Low sex drive is not a helpful term or concept because it is a relative term and it creates a label that stops more helpful conversations. Too often, people have beliefs or ideas that undermine their ability to talk about sex or have an effective sex life. Some people think that just because you are in a relationship or married that you should want to have sex or that you are at certain age or that there is a certain level of normality about how much sex to have. None of these are true! Sex is an expression of oneself and it reflects how the person feels about the relationship that they have with the person they are supposed to have sex with. So, reasons for low sex drive can be that the person does not anticipate enjoying the sex that they are going to have. They do not find it easy to tell their partner that they don’t like certain things that their partner does because the partner gets all defensive. This will create a low sex drive, because I don’t have a drive for the sex that I’m going to have.

Other things that will lower a sex drive are I’m really tired at work, there is no work-life balance and the person has not decided that sex is important, therefore they don’t allocate any time to create the space that you need to get yourself turned on. Other issues can be that the partner with low sex drive is not attracted to their partner because of the way the partner is behaving and conducting themselves in the relationship. Perhaps, their partner is very selfish, is drinking too much, has anger management issues, is not managing their finances properly, is not helping out with the care at home or the children. All of these things will lower a person’s sex drive.

So, as you can see, low sex drive is actually a more complicated issue that needs skills to be able to talk about difficult things that produce strong feelings. Most couples are afraid to do this and don’t know how to do this and therefore they just say they have low sex drive and get stuck.

All in the Family Counselling with lead therapist, Tammy Fontana, helps couples navigate these difficult things through the process of therapy. It takes skills, boundaries, understanding and education to address this, but couples can’t address it and face a happy and satisfying sex life. If you would like to learn more, contact us now at +65 9030 7239 or email us at tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com.