What do women want from sex

What do women want from sex

”What do women like in sex?”, ”What do all women want from sex?”, ”What would make women think I’m a good lover?”.

These are common questions that men coming into my office, seeking coaching, guidance and sexual therapy, are often asking. The question I ask them is ”What difference does it make what all women want, do you know what your partner, the one that you want to have sex with, wants?”. And often their answer is ”No! But what do all women want?”.

One of the problems with this way of thinking, Ie  that sex is a standardized generic product (this it is not fyi) or  that every single person likes in the same way. And the reality is, this is not true.

Even within one person, one day they may like something and then the next day, because of how they feel, their body feels, how much sleep they got or didn’t got, or what they ate, their overall mood, for the time of their cycle, they may like something else.

What makes sex really good and what makes people really good lovers is not the actual mechanical aspect of sex, but your ability to connect to your partner, to talk to your partner, to be comfortable with your sexuality and their sexuality, and be open to hearing what they like and what they don’t like without making it personal.

Too often men are so focused on their erections, on their penises, on their physical performance… Basically, they are so focused on themselves, they forget about the person that they are supposed to be having sex with. Many times men are so focused on their penises and erections that they forget what really makes sex good. It’s about pleasure, it’s about connecting, it’s about talking, it’s about producing a safe, warm, loving, desireable environment in which both of us are comfortable and delivering pleasure. One of the ways we deliver pleasure is through the physical acts that are available to us in sex.

So, when men start wondering what do all women like, that’s an impossible question to answer because every single woman is going to like something different. And if you are making love to your wife/partner, the only person you need to concern yourself with, is your partner. Learn how to talk to her, learn how to be open to what she wants, listening to her and making it comfortable. And to do that, you have to be comfortable with your own sexual performance, your own understanding of sex and desire and what makes sex good.

Many people have incomplete or lacking understanding of sex. They are not aware of the mental or psychological aspects of sex, the importance of being able to talk about feelings, about how things make us feel and what they want. Too often people are getting their ideas about sex from pornography, which is not a good place to get it from, other than it shows people enjoying sex, but porn is not an accurate representation of what makes sex good nor does it help people understand what your specific partner wants.

If you would like help and guidance on how to become a better lover, how to be more comfortable with sex, your own sexuality and talking to your partner to be able to build a better sex life, contact All In The Family Counselling Center Pt. Ltd. Tammy Fontana, our lead therapist, is one of the only clinically trained sex therapists in Southeast Asia, as well as a relationship and individual counsellor. Things, such as anxiety, depression, lack of education can all affect sex and sexual performance. Miss Fontana can provide a safe nurturing environment to help you become the lover you want to be. Contact us at +65 9030 7239.

All In The Family Counselling is one of the oldest therapy centers in Singapore and Southeast Asia providing therapy to individuals, couples and families. We work on difficult cases and issues related to mental health issues, anxiety, depression, as well as sexual intimacy. We provide therapy through online intensives and retreats. Contact us now!