Ideas about sex ruining sex

Ideas about sex ruining sex

Do you have ideas about sex that may be causing you problems? Do you have the idea that the man is supposed to take charge and lead sex? Do you have a belief that the man is supposed to initiate sex? Do you have an idea that women don’t like sex? Do you have an idea that oral sex is dirty or disgusting? Do you have an idea that sex is intercourse only? Do you have an idea that sex is supposed to be magical and happens with no effort? Do you believe that feelings of desire are the only thing driving sex?

Many of these previous statements are ideas that people have that are actually incorrect ways of thinking about and conceptualizing sex. Many people have underdeveloped or inexperienced ideas of sex and their idea of sex is what is creating the problem for them developing and having a wonderful intimate sexual experience with their partner.

Many times people are not even aware of these ideas. People have ideas that planning sex or taking responsibility for their desire or initiating sex somehow means it doesn’t count or it is not as good or you are not as desired.

A lot of people want sex to be something that sex isn’t. They want it to mean they are worthy, they are important, that their partner desires them. Other people want some sort of mystical aspect about sex. They want sex to be something that happens. That they don’t have to plan or take responsibility for, mainly because they are busy or uncomfortable with their own sexuality.

One of the things that sex therapy helps people to do is to grow up and have grown up ideas about sex. Sex, when we are grown-ups, who are very busy, who have aging bodies, who have lower hormone levels, who have many stresses, pressures and anxiety at work, looks different then the ideas we have had of them that are often based from childhood, from our early adult teenage years, from movies or books and they are disconnected completely from the reality of grown up sex. This disconnection produces negative feelings in us or feelings of rejection or feelings that are not conducive to having a sex and prevents people from understanding what they need to do.

If you are confused about your ideas of sex, therapy can help you. If you are not having sex in the way you imaged, therapy can help you create more realistic ways to get the sex you want. If you are not having the feelings that you want to have sex and your partner isn’t behaving in the way that you think a partner should behave based on gender or their age or your relationship status, therapy can help you evaluate if what you want is realistic and get you something that is and that you’ll like.

Some of that problem resulting in a lack of sex may be due to your ideas. Therapy helps people come to terms with realistic ideas for sex when we are grown-ups. Therapy will help you get the sex and the feelings that you want.

If you would like to learn more how sex as a grown-up works, how you could learn the way to communicate, negotiate and talk with your partner contact All In The Family Counselling Center Pt. Ltd. at +65 9030 7239 to learn more how we can help you. Tammy Fontana, our lead therapist, is an English speaking expat therapist who specializes in sex therapy, relationships, attachment issues, anxiety, depression and all the things that affect individuals in relationships and their sex life.

All In The Family Counselling Center Pt. Ltd. has been providing therapy for under two decades in Southeast Asia and Singapore. We offer comprehensive therapy models to help people. If you want to improve and get the life that you want, contact us now to learn how we can help you.