Expectations of sex that were not met



Expectations of sex that were not met

Have you had bad experience having sex? Do you feel like your expectations of what you thought your married sex life would be have not been met? Was the first sexual experience with your partner painful and frightening? Were subsequent sexual experiences equally disappointing or painful? Is what you had expected or imagined for sex completely not working out? Did you think sex was going to be a lot easier than what it’s turning out to be? Are you feeling frustrated, sad and disappointed, and perhaps embarrassed or thinking there is something wrong with you or your partner?

These experiences, unfortunately, are not uncommon for couples who have been educated to abstain from sex or do not have a lot of exposure to dating or people/partners of the opposite sex. You may have not been given much education about sex from an emotional and relational standpoint. Many messages are simply to wait, it’ll be special and magical and that is it. There is no education about the requirements about how to go about sex, how it works and how to coordinate to very different people.

In many cultures or religions people are given messages of waiting, abstaining until they are married. They are not educated about the physical aspects of sex nor about the emotional aspects of sex. People are not educated about developing their own preferences for how they want to express their sexuality individuality and to their partner.  When it comes time to having marital sex, you really have no idea of what’s supposed to happen, how it works, and have not the right expectations. Couples feel shy, embarrassed or shameful to talk about sex with each other. The result is a difficult, awkard and uncomfortable experience emotionally as well possibly painful for one or both people.

Many times people underestimate the importance of communicating about sex, owning your own sexuality and being able to process the many feelings coming up from your partner about what they like and want and how that may not match your desires. Many people think it’s just a mechanical issue of doing and that something outside of them is going to make them desired, have a good time.

A lot of times couples, who are experiencing these kinds of disappointment, pain and frustrations, are not aware of the lack of sexual knowledge they are missing…they are suffering from“they do not know what they do not know“.  Too often people think sex is just about the doing. They are not aware of all of the communication they have to do and the responsibility they need to take in order to have a fun and pleasurable experience.

All In The Family Counselling Centre Pte Ltd has extensive experience in helping individuals and couples with these kinds of sexual, intimacy and relational issues.  Visit https://allinthefamilycounselling.com/sex-intimacy-help/

Tammy Fontana, our lead therapist at All In The Family Counselling Center Pt. Ltd., is a clinically trained sex therapist and relationship therapist. She helps people not just with the mechanical doing part, but with the emotional connecting part. How to actually create intimacy, which is above and beyond just the mechanical doing of sex. Learning how to become aware of your sexuality, how to become aware of your feelings, communicating and owning your own sexual desire is very important.

If you would like help learning how therapy can help you, please contact us at +65 9030 7239 or email us at tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com

All In The Family Counselling Centre Pte Ltd has been providing therapy for over a decade and a half in SE Asia and Singapore. We have been serving Southeast Asia and Singapore in helping couples and individually thru face to face online, intensives and retreats in Europe. We provide individual, couple and sex therapy. We provide education, group therapy, intensives, retreats. Contact us to learn more how we can help you!

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