Partner being afraid of sex



Partner being afraid of sex

Are you a woman who grew up with sex messages that told you sex is dirty or bad? Were you given messages that sex is something you have to endure? That it’s only for the man? Maybe when you were growing up you were told that good girls don’t like sex, or perhaps you were even told that being a virgin made you special, and now that you are married you don’t know if you want to give up your virginity. 

 

Are you in a loving relationship, but have not yet consummated your marriage? Are you afraid to have sex? Are you afraid it will hurt? Is this creating a problem in your marriage?


I am a therapist who has spent more than 16 years living in Southeast Asia and Singapore, I have been helping couples and women with a similar negative belief about sex, painful sex or fear of sex. Unfortunately, many women are struggling with these issues and it is interfering with their marriage. 

 

Many women need help to resolve their negative sex messages. Many of my Singaporean women have gotten messages for twenty or so years that sex is for the man and not for them.So many of them are afraid of sex and fear it to be painful. Even if they do have sex, they do not enjoy it and they avoid it.

 

During the marriage, the lack of sex, or difficulty with creates marriage problems. It’s very hard to undo twenty plus years of negative sex messages. As a result, many women are facing vaginismus, sexual anxiety, pain when they are having intercourse. Therefore, due to their lack of understanding and inability to communicate with their partner, she may unconsciously seek ways to avoid sex,. Other times, she may reluctantly agree to have sex, but can find it to be a painful and negative experience, which is not good for either party in the relationship. 

 

Not having sex, which is a huge part of any marriage, often leads to feelings of frustration, disconnection and loneliness. Many couples this is combined with an inability to talk effectively about sexual issues or have the correct sexual education. 

 

The inability to talk about their feelings and frustrations may lead many couples to slowly drift apart, feeling hurt, questioning their self-esteem and struggling to have a full enjoyment that their marriage could provide them. 

 

If this is a story that sounds familiar to you or perhaps sounds similar to your wife, therapy is a way that can help people change their concepts and understanding of their own sexuality and sexual pleasure. In addition, a clinically trained sex therapist can provide an evidence based knowledge and education about sex, the reproduction, the anatomy and most importantly, how to think about sex. 

 

Once clients have mastered this, the next level of therapy is to help them understand the emotional aspects of sex. The couple can learn how to talk to and communicate what they like and what they don’t like in kind, meaningful ways, that allows couples to build together a sexual relationship that provides the closeness. Couples can learn to express their desire and love that they want in their marriage. 

 

If you would like to find out how sex therapy can help you with any of these issues, or other ones not mentioned, contact Tammy Fontana at All in the Family Counseling Centre Pte ltd to learn how she may be able to help you. Contact her at +6590307239 to schedule an initial consultation for sex therapy.

 

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