Stop for moment. When was the last time you fantasized or built up your romantic partner as a sexual object? Do you even think about them sexually?
Many people mistakenly believe that their partner turns them on. Don’t songs detail this fact about “oh baby you really turn me.” Well unfortunately the song writers got it wrong and probably you do to!
In fact, to keep sex alive, satisfying and connecting in a relationship, you need to cultivate and maintain and erotic mind about your partner. You need to focus thinking on your partner as a erotic, sexual being that you find attractive.
This may seem a huge obstacle after living with this person for year, solving problems (hopefully) and parenting with them. Living with someone and gaining true insight into who they are can be the shocking part of intimacy that most people didn’t bargain for or expect as to how it would affect their relationship.
Long-term passionate sex in a relationship is possible but it does require couples to take charge of their sex life. Something many people do not think about or realize they need to do. In order to do this, couples need to decide, mutually, that sex is important and then schedule the time. This is often a foreign concept to couples and many people think, incorrectly, that sex happens.
Another skill to keep sex hot in a long term relationship is having the skills and comforts to be able to talk about sex in a meaningful and connecting way. This requires people to be comfortable owning their own sexuality as well as their partner’s. Many people do not feel comfortable with the idea they are sexual beings that have preferences or desires, or that their partner does…and talking about them! Wow that’s even more foreign and uncomfortable. When couples do not have this skill, either because of language, beliefs or concepts, it makes it hard to create the intimacy many people desire in discussing sex. Instead it becomes mechanical about Doing sex or blaming and criticizing.
If you want better relationship and better more intimate and satisfying sex. Relationship with an emphasis on sex and sexuality is something to be considered. Our therapist, Tammy Fontana, is specially trained in sex therapy and relationship counselling. She has successfully helped many couples. Contact us to learn more at +6590307239 via whatsapp or email at tammy@allinthefamilycounselling.com