Is the way you think about sex affecting how you do it?
Are you in a relationship in which having sex has become increasingly scarce? Are you finding you having less and less sex? Does your partner never initiate or turn you down when you ask? Have you been exploring all sorts of different ways to do sex through toys, clothing, different positions and yet nothing seems to work? Are you feeling frustrated, confused and sad? Are you afraid you are going to live in a sexless relationship for the rest of your life? Could it be the way you are focused on the doing aspect of sex, is what is creating the problem?
Too many people focus on how to do sex. They think that good sex is all about positions and different ways of doing it. They are focused on all the wrong things.
When you stop and ask yourself what is that you really want from sex, how is that you would like to feel. Many common answers are:
- people want to feel desired,
- they want to feel connected,
- they want to feel special, close and happy.
- They want to feel passion
If any of these feelings are feelings you are looking for from sex, notice that very little has to do with the doing.
Many people lack sexual intelligence around sex. Most people do not get proper sex education or the education they get is more about reproduction and pregnancy prevention. Many people do not learn about how to think about sex, how to talk about sex and how to take responsibility for their feelings, desires and wants. If you do not know how to deal with these issues, communicating and negotiating sex becomes very difficult.
Too many people also have really incorrect beliefs about male and female sexuality and how the body works. Many people are not aware that the body changes for both, men and women, over time which can affect people’s arousals, what they like, their ability to orgasm.
For man, their ability to maintain erections, and for women, their ability to lubricate properly as they age. Sexual desire, performance and pleasure change as we age. Many people are not aware of this.
The combination of focusing on the wrong things to improve your sex life and the lack of proper information about sex is a recipe for very unsatisfying sex life.
If you would like help to learn how to talk and think about your sex life and get the closeness with your partner you desire, please contact All In The Family Counselling Centre Pte Ltd at +65 9030 7239 to learn how we can help you.
All In The Family Counselling has been providing therapy for over a decade. We have been providing online therapy since 2015. We offer the most comprehensive way to deal with relationships, individuals and sexuality. Please contact us to learn more how we can help you.
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