Preventing a marriage crisis
Are you in a marriage that is not going the way you want? Is your marriage prone to having a lot of intense arguments where you stop speaking to each other for hours, days or weeks? Has the sex life and intimacy in your marriage become so infrequent that you feel more disconnected? Do you feel overwhelmed by not knowing how to proceed and therefore you just choose to ignore the issues in your marriage, hoping they go away? Do you think that, because your partner has stopped talking to you about the problems they are facing in your marriage, this means it’s ok? Are you too afraid to start looking at some of the difficult realities of your marriage because you are afraid of what that might reveal? Does marriage counseling seem too scary to start because you are afraid of what you will find out?
One of the things that creates a crisis in a marriage, whether it is infidelity, a partner asking for separation, partner moving out, a partner who stops talking to you, is that many times people have early warning signs leading up to the crisis in their marriage. Often people are too overwhelmed by the negative feelings and emotions that come out from difficult realities in their marriage.
When the partner is bringing out topics that you don’t know how to solve or what to do, such as a non-existing sex life, an unsatisfying sex life, perhaps your anger issues, your drinking problems, the way the family is managing money… These things can produce such negative emotions that people may react by stonewalling, anger, disengagement, or other punitive behaviors, as their best attempt to avoid dealing with something they don’t want to deal with. Not talking or ignoring is the solution overwhelmed people choose. They mean well, but the outcome is negative.
Ignoring and avoiding do not stop a couple from having a problem. The belief that somebody won’t cheat on you or won’t leave you is not enough to prevent a crisis from happening. Often people console themselves with beliefs that My partner would never cheat on me or never leave me. However, if you put a person in a very difficult situation in which they are not having sex, their needs are not being met, and they have no way to solve them, people can do really unexpected things out of their character. By no means is this an excuse, but when there is no solution, or no way for a partner to engage their spouse or their romantic partner to solve a problem, people can act out of desperation.
There are alternative solutions to solving really difficult marriage problems. They are not easy. They require a lot of people to face really difficult things about themselves, about their relationship, and produce growth. The alternative often leads to some sort of crisis: infidelity, marriage ending, financial crisis – some big thing that could have been avoided.
If you see your marriage heading in the wrong direction and you would like to learn how therapy may be able to help you, contact Tammy Fontana at All in the Family Counseling to learn how therapy might help you. You can schedule an initial consultation by whatsapp at +6590307239
Remember, we provide a wide variety of services to help meet the complexity of your life. Many busy executives are travelling and have lengthy stays. We provide online therapy, in-office, intensive retreats, and in an order to help you create the customized solution you will need.
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Through an initial consultation we'll help you frame goals and outcomes of therapy and what that would look like to achieve it.