Are you in a long-term relationship? Are you frustrated that your expectations are not being met? Do you often find yourself asking friends “Am I being unreasonable with what I want from my partner?” Are you exhausted with trying to get your partner to change or meet your expectations? Are you fighting a lot?
A lot of people do not realize that expectations often result in disappointment if it is for anybody other than yourself. When you have an expectation for somebody else and you haven’t negotiated or discussed it with them you are likely to be disappointed.
Relationships are a complex series of negotiations, discussions and compromises to figure out how you are going to live with another person. Too often people assume that because they have an expectation of their partner it is supposed to be met.
One of the biggest mistakes is that a certain type of relationship demands certain behaviors. A person may expect that their partner celebrates their birthday in specific way without having to ask. Or a partner may expect that after their baby arrives their partner will no longer go out to drink with his buddies, without having to negotiate this. Or a partner may have an expectation that once you are married, your drinking will reduce, again with no discussion. The lack of discussion results in big fights and unnecessary hurt feelings. People have all sorts of expectations that they don’t realize that they need to negotiate and discuss with their partner. Most people expect that the type of relationship just dictates the behavior. But it requires communication.
Learning how to discuss and navigate differences in a relationship is an important and vital skill. Many people confuse expectation setting or agreements in marriage with communication. However, more important what is required is realistic understandings of what you can and cannot get from your partner.
If you would like help in understanding realistic expectations, how to improve your communication when discussing them, learning better negotiation of boundaries and agreement setting; therapy is an excellent way to help you do this.
All in the Family Counselling has been providing therapy for over a decade. We have been providing online therapy for over four years. Online therapy is the safest and most effective way to receive high quality therapy that matches your schedule. If you would like to learn more about how we can help you improve your relationship contact us at +65 9030 7239 and we will provide information to help get you going and get the relationship that you want.
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Through an initial consultation we'll help you frame goals and outcomes of therapy and what that would look like to achieve it.