Do you find that you find you are often getting into fights that come out of no where and you need to apologize, even though you haven’t done anything wrong? Do you often get the silent treatment for days or weeks at a time for small unintendedly mistakes or misunderstandings?
Do you find that you are often anxious coming home or get anxious when you know your partner is coming home? Do you find reunions in the evening nerve wracking because you never know what kind of mood your partner is in? Do you find that you are getting more anxiety and stomach issues due to the instability of your relationship? Are you feeling more often and for longer periods of time not well?
Relationships with unrelentingly difficult people can make us sick. They make a person sick because they lower immune system so we get more colds and flu. They also make you sick or feel crazy or unsure of yourself. You spend all your time second guessing yourself and checking with friends to see if you are being too sensitive.
Toxic relationships slowly chip away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. The once out going individual is slowly and deliberately dehumanized and undermined and toxic and relentlessly difficult person.
It is a slow and steady process. The most disturbing aspect of this is that the now toxic and relentlessly difficult and self-centered partner was once wonderful and kind. You can’t figure it out. Before you were amazing to your partner. Now it seems like nothing you do is right and almost like they hate you. But yet you feel compelled to stay and try harder and be better.
You may even be thinking, why would someone do this? Surely the difficult and hurtful partner can’t be aware of there behavior and how hurtful they are.
Unfortunately, the relentlessly difficult and toxic person is aware of what they are doing. It is a purposeful ploy. You may ask why? And for what purpose?
It is to gain control. Often these people are extremely damaged and insecure people beyond what is your average individual. They are looking for a person to control and take care of them. They want their needs met by a person they can control and who won’t leave them. They start off nice and kind and make you feel wonderful. Once they have you hooked, they take away the kindness and make you think it’s your fault. Further hooking you.
Outside they may have a good job and people think they are nice. Often if you look closer, they have no real close friends or relationships. They tend to like to be alone and slowly want to cut you off from your friends.
If this is you, this isn’t healthy. There is nothing you can do to help the partner. The best attempt is to get help for yourself. It is learning that this isn’t your fault. It starts by getting boundaries and a does of reality. If you’d like help, you can reach our for an initial appointment.
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