Why logic doesn’t work to solve your bad feelings
Do you feel like a fraud at your work or with your friends, even though by objective standards you are accomplished? Do you feel like you are not likeable even though you have many friends who tell you how much they like you? Do you feel that you have many good things in life, but you still don’t feel happy, so you are constantly trying to make things perfect? Are you constantly worried that you don’t have enough money, even though its been pointed out that you make a good salary, you have savings and maybe even own a house?
Do you find that you are constantly trying to logic or rationalize away your feelings with obvious facts about why you should NOT feel the way you feel? How does that work for you? My guess is that most of the time it probably doesn’t work, or it may work for just a short while only for the feelings to come back, sometimes even stronger.
Does your constant worry and dissatisfaction and insecurity create problems for you with your romantic partner or spouse? Do you find that they are constantly trying to show you the error in your thinking? Are they constant having to point out and state facts as to why you should NOT feel a certain way? Does this then make you feel guilty for having the feelings you have? Are you frustrated and confused why you can’t feel better?
Are you tired of having these feelings that no matter how hard you try to rationalize them away or use logic, they don’t go away?
Well, good news, there is a way to help you resolve them. What may not be obvious to you and many people, is that our feelings do not respond to logic. Many people, unfortunately, think therapy is about telling obvious logic to get them to feel better. However, to fix the issues of feelings that don’t match your current state, a different approach is required and that is approach is therapy.
Therapy is not about using an obvious logic and telling people what they are already know. Instead, therapy helps people to learn how to identify, process and work more effectively with their feelings. Feelings are complex insights into past learnings, meanings we may have given our experiences in our childhood that we are operating on in our adulthood. Feelings are tapping into our unconscious and subconscious minds. Feelings are also not factual, which can mean they may not belong in the present or they may not even be your feelings that you are feeling (this is transference or projection).
So, as you can see, feelings are quite complex, and most people don’t know how to work with them effectively. Our brain is a use-dependent learning organ. We have been acquiring knowledge about the world and its rules since birth. Most of these rules and learning we don’t have recall, but they affect us in adulthood. Therapy helps people to learn to integrate these feelings into our conscious and logical mind.
If you would like to have feelings that more accurately match your reality, the process of therapy can help you achieve this. Therapy provides a structured, safe and healthy relationship to help a person be able to recognize and process their feelings to make informed and healthy decisions and behaviors. If you want your life and relationships to better, don’t wait. Help is there for you.
If you would like to learn more, contact All in the Family Counselling Centre Pte Ltd. to arrange for an initial consultation. Preferred communication is via WhatsApp at +6590307239 or email at tammy @ allinthefamilycounselling DOT COM
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Through an initial consultation we'll help you frame goals and outcomes of therapy and what that would look like to achieve it.